Top 5 Gayest and Sexiest Straight Men on earth 2012
Well, my beautiful freaks and freakettes…it’s that time of year again. SUMMER !!
Nothing beats the heat like sexxxiness and laughter. So that is exactly what we have for you to break this insufferable heat wave. We are not trying to trounce on gay rights, so don’t go reporting us to www.gay or the Advocate or whatever. We love the gays? We know that there are gays in the military. We know there are gays in the NFL, NBA, Penn State administration, etc. Because GAYS ARE IN!! Homosexuality is HOT!! Pillow Biters are the sh*t! ( No pun intended…but we both know it is right?) So this is directed more at those “tools” in Pop Culture who are taking full advantage of the gay lifestyle and culture without really being gay in real life.
WatchUrMouth.com presents to you: The Top 5 Gayest and Sexiest Straight Men on Earth 2012
#5 James Marsden
Ok, we are going to throw down the gauntlet and just ask you. Name one single solid movie that he played in, that wasn’t gay? X-men? Nope! He was running around in a pair of second skin leather look tights pretending to give a damn while another man was busy giving his wife 12 inches of Adamantium! 27 Dresses? Where he fell in love with a woman while playing dress up? Enchanted? Don’t make us say it.,..that is too easy. Worst yet? He even acted on “Saved by the Bell”! The most homo-erotic TV show to ever hit the airwaves since “He-Man” cartoons.!
Now, say what you want? He is probably straight. He is probably a really nice guy. He probably pays his taxes. However, there “aint no probably” about the fact he is one SEXXXY MOTHERF*CKER!! I would eat him alive and spit out nothing but the zipper…rusted! Can you bitches feel me?
#4 Joey Lawrence
Joey Lawrence gay? WHOAH!! Say it isn’t so! Well, we are going to say it isn’t so. The problem with Joey Lawrence is that he is probably the biggest tool on earth, so sometimes? It’s like trying to figure out how much of that half naked and sweaty man grappling another man in a pair of spandex booty panties in highly sexually suggestion-able and provocative manner on the WWE is actual wrestling and how much of it is actually homosexual soft-core porn? However believe it or not, it wasn’t the photo above that made us question Joey Lawrence’s sexuality. It was this one here with his wife and kid.
To hell with WHOA! Can we get a WTF !!
Forget about the fact he is wearing his wife’s old maternity blouse. Forget the fact he wearing jeans so tight, he might get a yeast infection. Why?? Why the hell is he wearing his wife”s sandals???
With all that said? You must admit, that he is one sexxxy looking tool! Look at that chest and those arms! He is a Philadelphia Italian, so you know he is hung like a black man with an attitude problem! That sexy bald bastard!!
# 3 Justin Bieber
Why is Justin Bieber the third sexiest gay straight man on earth? This will be short sweet and fast.
Justin Bieber looks like this:
He “allegedly” is supposed to be blowing the back out on this:
She is so sexy that we had to show you one more.
Yet the only pregnancy scare he ever had came from a much older
pig woman Mariah Yeater who looked like this:
If you cheated on Selena Gomez with this chick? GAY!!!
# 2 Marc Anthony
This is one sexy ass man! He sings like an angel and has the kind of eyes you can starve to death staring into. He is just so freaking sexy and tender and sensitive. Yeah, we mean REALLY tender and sensitive!
This dude will cry like a total bitch every and any chance he can get. He cries when he sings, he cries when he acts, he cries when he writes. This sexy bitch can cry!!
We believe that when he used to make love to J-Lo? We wager that she had him lyin g on his back with HIS legs up in the air!Look at them. Their bedroom sex had to look more like a lesbian porn movie than good ole fashioned heterosexual love between a man and woman.
# 1 LL COOL J
We admit it. There are very few men on the planet as sexy as Mr. Ladies Love Cool J. Those rippling muscles, that Queens NY Swagger, Mr. Knock You Out to eating your pink cookies in a plastic bag. LL COOL J is sexuality personified! Just one question? How did he go from this:
LL COOL J !!
LL Cool GAY !
Like Eddie Murphy said: ” Pull ovuhhhh….Pull OVuhhhh….” wait a second! Wait one damn second! This just isn’t right! He was one of the pioneers of hardcore machismo hip-hop and now he is rumored to utilize almost a gallon of Lip Gloss a month! LL Cool J, clearly had a face lift AND some liposuction. In this photo he is wearing foundation, concealer and of course pink lip gloss. Nobody is questioning his sexuality. We are questioning his manhood! So that is why LL Cool J has been named:
Sexiest Gay Straight Man on Earth 2012!